I have to face my choices
When I heard that long-time-forgotten since deeply familiar voice, I sank deeper into this dazed state, only snapping out of it after feeling my arm becoming numb from being hardly pulled on.
I looked down to meet my daughter’s worried and perplexed gaze and instantly remembered all about my work and today’s engagements.
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t want to have to deal with this person anymore. For me, he was already a memory of the past, someone I have buried into the furthest depths of my mind, never to be pulled out again. Why must he reappear now of all times?
The man was quite shaken with my reaction, as well as somewhat disappointed as if he had expected it to be some warm and tearful reunion but ultimately got this cold rejection instead.
He stood there foolishly for a long time, and just as I was about to bypass him and proceed further on my way, he suddenly grabbed into my wrist and said softly: “We need to talk.”
I maintained an indifferent expression as I stubbornly replied: “I don’t have anything to talk about with you.”
Not giving him enough time to respond, I directly shook off his hand, got into the car and left. Right now I couldn’t even manage to think straight, how would I be able to respond to Little Xie persistent inquiries. Not to mention explaining to people, I myself didn’t know what was going to happen from now on.
That man shouldn’t have come back. If it was back then, I would have given all of my heart and soul to have the slightest chance of seeing him again, but now was different. I was too late. Nothing could last forever. Nothing could bear the endless flow of time.
The whole day went on just like that. From start to finish I only thought about him, so much I could even feel my deep resolve start to waver. Before stepping into my house, I reassured myself believing it would be all right as long as I didn’t meet with him again.
But what happened next left me thoroughly speechless, as though life really enjoyed tormenting my already worn-out heart. I found that man sitting in my living room casually chatting with my wife, reminiscing about the old times.
When they noticed my appearance, the man unnoticedly tensed up and straightened his back. Little Xie came out from behind my back and rushed straight into the arms of her mother energetically calling out: “I’m home.”
My wife enveloped her in a warm embrace and said: “Welcome back.” Finally noticing the stranger that she remembered meeting in the morning, Bei Guixie stared at him so much she could bore a hole through his face.
Her mother gently reprimanded her saying: “How is our Little Xie so impolite. This is our guest and an old friend of your father, you should properly great him.”
Bei Guixie puffed her cheeks and pouted feeling rather wronged. That man wasn’t anything good. Looking back at how her dad reacted when they first met, it was clear that something was amiss but she couldn’t figure out what. Her father refused to answer any of her questions. Actually, it was the first time he ignored her like that. She knew very well she was the most important existence in her father’s life. How could this man make her dad forget all about her even just for a few seconds? It was utterly inconceivable.
However, even if she was this strongly displeased, she forced herself to greet the man before coming back to my side and lifting her arms, gesturing for me to take her in my arms.
I let out a helpless sigh and did as she wanted. Having her against my chest made me feel a new sense of courage well inside my heart. I finally regained my wits and looked him in the eyes while saying lightly: “Yu Wancheng.”
He nodded back to me, pulled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and said: “Bei Xuanze. This is your daughter? She is very cute. She really looks like you.”
That smile made a shudder run along my sping and I felt all the assurance I have just gathered leave me just then. But before I could draw deeper into these thoughts, my wife’s words pulled me back to reality. She cut this unbearable silence and said: “Brother Yu, it’s already this late and we have already spoken for so long. How about having dinner with us. It has been so long and we should have many things to take about.”
Yu Wancheng cast a profound gaze at me and readily agreed and said: “Sister Shi, oh, it should be now Madam Bei. Then I will bother you.”
Thorough the whole meal, it was mainly my wife who initiated some small talk. And in the end, when Xiaoshi left with our daughter so put her to sleep, I was once again faced with the same request: “We need to talk.”
I already knew what we would be talking about and, even if I wanted to forever postpone this confrontation, I also deeply understood that we wouldn’t be able to have it here at my house. Thus, I reluctantly agreed.
I went back to notify my wife before preparing to head out with a somewhat excited Yu Wancheng when my wife caught up to us holding a scarf. She slowly put it around my neck while the man went on ahead. She then leaned on me and whispered in my ear: “I love you. Don’t forget.”
Then she quickly retreated and went back home. I stood there for a while, rooted in place as I thought how much of a hateful man I really was.
However, I couldn’t hide anymore. I turned around and went on to face my own choices.