Love me, even though just a bit
I was already two years old now.
Through those two years, I have learned quite a lot about this word.
First, it was a single realm word. There were no higher realms or lower ones, or at least, people there still didn’t know of its existence.
Second, people here had very low spiritual power, it was almost none existent. I think it may be related to the fact that the surrounding energy wasn’t strong enough to nourish their souls, as well as their poor compatibility with it.
Lastly, since this word was running low on spiritual power, it mainly concentrated on developing its technologies. But even so, this field still wasn’t fully developed, only failing but a bit from being a low level technology word, its level was actually medium.
In fact, it wasn’t that bad. They have already invented many transport means even reaching the outer space, although it was yet too soon for them to begin its full exploration. There were many original and useful creation, although they were still far from reaching their full potential.
All in all, it was quite satisfied with my current predicament. Since I’ve always looked at those marvelous things from afar, l didn’t have a deep understanding of them nor how I should use them exactly. That’s why, I have been very excited about this new experience and entirely devoted in my learning process.
I admit that I’ve committed some little blunders, actually the number wasn’t that little nor was the damage that light. But I had always been accompanied by big sister Gui. She was responsible for taking care of me since my mother was very busy at work. She started raising me on her own after she separated from my father.
Back then, there were some issues about me being or not his true flesh-and-blood child. Since he had discovered my mother unfaithfulness, he couldn’t stop himself from doubting her words. It was only after obtaining the DNA results that the situation was ultimately resolved.
After a long bloody fight over that custody thing, it was eventually my mother who won. At first, I got to see my father every week but slowly, his visits got more and more scarce until the day my mother told me he wouldn’t come anymore.
That day, it was already dark outside when she finally returned home, a little later than usual. She made such a loud noise while staggering into the house that it had suddenly pulled me awake, in shock.
She clumsily made her way to the bedroom, knocking down some stuff in her path. My little cradle was situated in a corner beside the large bed. I sniffed a very sour stench that strongly pervaded the air. It was so unpleasant that, coupled with the earlier fright, I was no more able to hold back my sobs and control my easily swayed tear ducts.
Thus, I shamefully started bawling, just like a little baby, which made me feel en more bitter and depressed.
My mother was clearly annoyed by my cries. Apparently, she had a great headache. She went forward near the cradle and then she casted such a heavy stare on me from high above. When I looked at her face, it was as if I was struck by lightning. The emotions in her eyes were very complex but her gaze soon turned cold and I could even feel a layer of frost slowly crawl over my back.
I really wished I could stop crying, but her stare made me even more agitated and which made my bowls grow louder, sharper and more pitiful.
She too suddenly began to yell: “Shut up! What are you crying for? So bothersome.”
After she finished speaking, I was so frightened I instantly quieted down, making the room dive into a death still silence.
After a few more seconds, she calmly resumed her speech: “Your father won’t come for you anymore. He has already remarried. He will have new children of his own and soon forget about you.”
Then she added in a bit of a reproachful tone: “I too am still young. I too deserve to be happy, I too should get married. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t you let me be happy?” She slightly pause for a bit, lowered her gaze so that she was not longer looking into my eyes, and softly whispered: “Why should you exist?”
I don’t think she remembers what happened on that night, or what she said.
Before that day, I never thought that my life could have been such a burden for her to carry, such a sorrow for her to bear.
I was actually very grateful towards her for giving birth to me and realizing my dearest dream, for being the first person who gifted me with love. Now, even if she was upset, even if my heart slightly stings, I still want to cherish these feelings. I will do my best and I hope I would be able to alleviate some of her suffering.
Maybe she would be a little less sad and angry. Maybe she would be able to forgive me someday and then come to love me again, even though just a bit.